It’s been a while since I updated the four people who read this blog (Hi Mom). I’ve been on a journey. No seriously, I traveled 3/4 across the continent. But, unlike most who travel, I took all my belongings. You never know when you’ll need a Super Nintendo in Albuquerque, am I right fellas? I moved from the glamorous oasis that is Los Angeles to the urban metropolis of Chicago. Be sure to read my blog “Hey, what’s this white stuff?” in four months as it will be my last (I will no doubt be frozen in something called “Winter”). We’ve been settled in our new home for a few weeks now and I am already digging it. Now, I’m not here to argue between which city is better than the other (I will always have a soft spot for San Jose). No, I’d like to regale you with some highlights of the misadventure that was traveling cross ‘Merica.
- As shown above we decided to get a car carrier, because it looked cool. The first problem we encountered was the carrier wasn’t up to code. It was missing straps that make it blah blah blah, boring safety jargin… so we had to wait for a new one, which set us back a few hours. On the plus side, we found the one Home Depot employee that hadn’t given up in life, who helped us hook the car up. She didn’t want to be photographed in fear of her soul being taken.
- Learned a lot on this trip, like how many curse words can be said when a “Check Engine” light flashes in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Luckily we found a mechanic to help us in a town that can only be described as if Green Acres was filmed in the armpit of the golden state. He was very nice. They had a turtle aquarium in the lobby of the gas station and his jet skiing dog kept us company. How did we know the dog could jet ski? It was a fact that we were constantly reminded of by his owner. How he got a water craft license is beyond me.
Arizona: A Grand Old Time
- When you think of Arizona you think of holes, so naturally we took a detour and went see The Grandest of Canyons. Impressive, yes. Well done, water and time. But there was man made attraction at the same location that really sparked my interest:
A fully restored Officer McCheese playground. If the object is unfamiliar to you, this was one of the metal apparatus found at McDonald’s playgrounds in the 1980s. At first glance I thought the national park was being presented by the fast food chain. After all, I love visiting Mountain Dew Presents Yosemite Extreme Skate Park. We talked with the owner and he was on his way back from being on the hit television show, American Restoration; to obviously get the playground restored. Not sure which channel the show’s on. You can most likely see the episode with Officer McCheese after a marathon of Big Foot hunting shows or celebrity ghost stories.
- After learning about erosion we continued our educational detour to another tourist attraction:
The Flintstones’ Bedrock City Prehistoric Park
As The Grand Canyon shows the passage of time, so does this rundown tourist trap. Once popular when motorists wore suites and the cartoon originally aired, this roadside attraction and campground is now a sad monument to yesteryear. Imagine walking through a post-apocalyptic Bedrock. Downside there was no prehistoric bird as the cash register. This experience deserves its own blog. Tune in next week.
A Left Turn At Albuquerque
There was free Wi-Fi at the Best Western. Also we found a building that was used in Breaking Bad. Then we left.
Not OK City
- After a long day of trying get through Texas as fast as possible, we made it to our next destination, Oklahoma City. As we pulled up to our hotel, eager to catch a few Zs, we saw four cop cars and two news vans. Apparently the website failed to mention that they were filming a CSI episode in front of the lobby that evening. I was fooled by the website. It said it was family owned and operated by a mother and son. And that it had top of the line showers… eh? That’s good reference. Anyway without a beat we high tailed it out of there. First impressions Oklahoma City, first impressions.
- We ended up finding bed without chalk outlines on the other side of town. However instead of a restful night’s sleep, I ended up getting food poisoning that carried over into the next day traveling to Saint Louis. Worst experience of my life. So bad at one point I held a garbage bag filled with my sick for 10 miles because we ended up on a toll road and couldn’t get off. Screw you Oklahoma. I don’t care if you have a musical, put some money into your infrastructure. Your roads are too bumpy and you don’t have enough rest stops!
After four days, seven states, and a few bumps in the road, we finally made it to Chicago. What an experience. Added bonus, the fiancée and I didn’t kill each other after being in a small space for thirty plus hours. Where’s our reality show TLC?
Until next time.